The short answer to the question if self-care is selfish is: it depends.
Self-care has made a reappearance in the mainstream media, and for good reason. I don’t think any of us intend to be straggly, depleted and pushed to our max. But *raise your hand* if that’s how you’re feeling.
GIRL YOU NEED SOME SELF-CARE.
Here’s the deal. As women - wives, friends, sisters, mothers, employees etc. people need us all the time. And we are happy to be there when they call! Except that when you show up completely empty you are doing no one any good and running yourself into the ground. You are not effective at any of the things you’re trying to do and are just spinning your wheels; doing a lot but not getting anywhere.
Being able to take time for self-care can only happen once you push past the false beliefs that taking time away makes you less.
If you are able to take 15 minutes or more each day to be a better, more effective, calmer, more loving and caring person, friend, wife, etc. someone please explain why we are so resistant to that. Moms especially - your child will not only not miss out on a great future because you took a little time for yourself each day or even week, but will likely be better off because they have a mom who feels fulfilled and can then be more patient, loving and kind to them and their dad.
I repeat: taking a reasonable amount of time out of your day/week makes EVERYTHING better. Your time, feelings and mental health matter. A LOT.
Here’s one more thing: No one is going to watch your time or stress load and advocate for your time. Be your own advocate. Ask for what you need and don’t expect anyone to be able to read your mind and just know what you should be needing - including (and especially) your spouse.