The short answer to the question if self-care is selfish is: it depends.
Self-care has made a reappearance in the mainstream media, and for good reason. I don’t think any of us intend to be straggly, depleted and pushed to our max. But *raise your hand* if that’s how you’re feeling.
GIRL YOU NEED SOME SELF-CARE.
Here’s the deal. As women - wives, friends, sisters, mothers, employees etc. people need us all the time. And we are happy to be there when they call! Except that when you show up completely empty you are doing no one any good and running yourself into the ground. You are not effective at any of the things you’re trying to do and are just spinning your wheels; doing a lot but not getting anywhere.
Being able to take time for self-care can only happen once you push past the false beliefs that taking time away makes you less.
If you are able to take 15 minutes or more each day to be a better, more effective, calmer, more loving and caring person, friend, wife, etc. someone please explain why we are so resistant to that. Moms especially - your child will not only not miss out on a great future because you took a little time for yourself each day or even week, but will likely be better off because they have a mom who feels fulfilled and can then be more patient, loving and kind to them and their dad.
I repeat: taking a reasonable amount of time out of your day/week makes EVERYTHING better. Your time, feelings and mental health matter. A LOT.
Here’s one more thing: No one is going to watch your time or stress load and advocate for your time. Be your own advocate. Ask for what you need and don’t expect anyone to be able to read your mind and just know what you should be needing - including (and especially) your spouse.
WHEN SELF CARE IS SELFISH:
Plain and simple, when you are being irresponsible with your time or ditching out on your family/responsibilities for hours each day and not being accountable for what you need to do. Self-care looks super different for each person and if you’re a parent, it may not be feasible for you to use all your savings to go to Coachella with a girlfriend and leave your husband at home to cancel his plans and take care of the kids for a whole weekend while you whoop it up.
Taking time to exercise, or make healthy meals, or grocery shop is NOT selfish.
A NOTE ABOUT #TREATYOSELF
There’s a lot of reminders in daily life that our time here on earth is short. We should always keep that in mind and say what we mean, allow ourselves nice things and experiences and soak up the time we have. HOWEVER: a treat is not a treat if it’s on a daily basis.
Think about the fact life can be short when it comes to the fun things. Take the trip, enjoy the moments we do get. PLAN for the practicality of actually living a full life… like until 90. YOLO won’t get your retirement savings very far, so find a balance between good money management and building the practical aspects of life while also allowing for the fun things that do truly make up life.
xo, Corin Groustra