Updated: Mar 14
Hey, heyyyyy sweet friend!
I want to share a few things since my last podcast because man, have things changed!
My last podcast episode was August 26th and three days later my sweet Weston Charles was born! He's the squishiest, cutest boy and I'm 200% biased. The last time we talked on the podcast, we had just sold our home and were living in an apartment, waiting for Weston to make his way earthside, and enjoying a COVID summer where restrictions at our apartment complex were easing a tiny bit and we had the pool and gym open. Since then, we had our sweet guy, finished building our dream home, moved in, and I've gone back to work.
The biggest thing that has changed for me, though, is a new discovery. I have always had a really hard time focusing on things I don't find engaging, or I'd struggle to finish tasks I don't care about and constantly forget what I was doing or needed to do. I've always called myself a time-optimist: someone who consistently overestimates my ability to get things done quickly so what I think takes 15 minutes turned into 45 minutes and now I'm late. Garrison gets frustrated at how long it takes me to do things and how inaccurate I am with my estimating of how long tasks take me. I always thought these were signs of lack of discipline and I just needed to get it together and figure out my life. Fun fact: these are all actually signs of ADHD.
This week I was diagnosed with ADHD - Inattentive Type and it is rocking me. I'm sharing for the sake of documenting my process and what's going on for me, and for anyone else who is interested in this process of discovery and understanding. I am 26 years old and this is the first time this is coming up for me. I've worked full time since I was 16 and have always enjoyed working and having a lot going on. I started noticing something wasn't right when after having a few months off for my maternity leave, I really struggled to get back into things and I constantly felt overwhelmed by all the loose ends I kept forgetting to tie up at work and how many balls it felt like I had in the air. I honestly always thought it was normal to have a wandering mind and struggling to focus and fun fact: it's not. So I'm an action taker (also known as impulsive haha) and I decided this is the time to get this figured out to better understand myself and how I can work with my strengths.
Currently, I'm feeling like I'm in a vulnerable place. I am devouring information on ADHD but I need to also be careful and extremely intentional with what I take in. In a situation like this, I can tell myself one of two stories by what I consume:
A) I can tell myself that this is a deficit in my functioning, and I can devalue all the hard work I've done in my life because I've got this deficit and my brain doesn't work like a normal person's.
B) I can tell myself that nothing has actually changed by getting this diagnosis (because it hasn't), tell myself all my accomplishments are more impressive that I was able to focus and kill it on all these projects while also fighting to keep my attention and I can focus on my strengths that were born of ADHD and that without, I wouldn't be where I am today.
I'm choosing to focus on my strengths and understand that when I'm working in my zone, like I am with this podcast, that I thrive. I am choosing to focus on the fact that although I may be impulsive, that's also me taking action. I started this podcast because one day I thought "I should have a podcast" and by the end of the day I had recorded two episodes and had a launch date for the following week. Some people have an idea and wait a YEAR to actually do that. By the time a year rolled around I had 50 episodes. I'm not impulsive in a way that's going to be risky or going to hurt myself or someone else. I'm impulsive in taking action. I want to do it right now. I don't want to wait a year for things to get better or be more ready, I'm feeling inspired and I'm going to sit down and get everything hammered out and I'm going to send it off into the world. That is a strength of mine that many people don't possess, and it helps me to live more into my purpose and my calling every day because I'm not afraid to take action.
This diagnosis is feeling a bit validating. I always thought I just needed to focus more or delete social media so I could be less distracted. While social is a big time suck for me and right this minute I am currently taking a social break to figure out my life, it's not as simple as just being less distracted. My goal from here is to better understand my brain and how it works so I can stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and start working with my brain to leverage all its capacity. I am already in therapy for my anxiety but we are going to transition to cognitive behavioral therapy to help figure out how to start to rewire my brain in certain areas as much as possible to help reduce the burden of my inattention in areas that are not extremely interesting to me. I'm also thinking I'm going to try medication for at least a little while. I know what it's like to not be on medication, and I'm very curious to see what the difference is for me. I can't say what my long-term will look like with that but I do want to say that medication gets a bad rap and there are so many times that medication can significantly improve your quality of life. I'm also medicated for my anxiety and I am able to live with a much lighter burden than before I was medicated and that, to me, makes a huge difference. A low dose of medication can give me my life back and I'm definitely going to take it. I tried all the things for my anxiety prior to meds and CBD was another big help, but due to the lack of research on CBD in pregnancy my midwife didn't feel super comfortable with me taking it, and I really struggled without that. So that's where I'm headed with this journey.
If anyone else has any experience with ADHD and you want to share with me, email me or send me a DM on social - I'll be back there sooner or later! A quick side note about social - I find it extremely interesting how conditioned I am/was to check social media anytime there was a lull in my day. I will find myself picking up my phone randomly and then realizing since I don't have social right now that there's nothing to do on my phone right now and I just put it back down. I feel like there's always the eternal struggle for social media with me - I love it for a lot of reasons and hate it for a lot of reasons, but without it, I feel left out and like my impact will be blunted. Not sure if that's true, but going to continue to explore that.
Now, let's chat about the pod because I also want to give you a pod update!
I am so beyond excited to get back to the podcast. I also want to make sure it's sustainable with my new role as mom and being back to work because as much as I am passionate about spreading my message and helping you find your balance, my family is my top priority and I really want to make sure they don't just get my leftovers. So I'm planning to release this episode independent of other episodes and then have a handful recorded at the time I go live with new episodes again so you have everything you guys need each week and I can batch work it so it stays fun and exciting :) Thanks for your patience this last year as I take on a lot of new things and new roles in my life, and figure out my brain in the process.
You can also expect the pod to change just a little bit. I want this to be extremely authentic to my life too and what I'm going through and how I'm navigating things, so along with our typical episodes you'll find more episodes on motherhood and general lifestyle stuff as it related to balance as well, and sometimes just random because I love our conversations and I feel when I'm recording these like we're just out for a coffee and we're chatting.
All that to say, thank you for being amazing, extending grace and patience as I navigate all the changes in my life and figuring out what I want to say, how I want to say it, and try to make sense along the way.
xo, corin groustra
the balanced body.